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[20 Feb 2005|02:59pm] |
People are evloving like pupa. First it was hardcore punk, then emo, then scenesters, and now ska. It never fucking ends. Kudos to the kids who have been into one certain thing all along. But.. it's just funny to see the people who put others down for not being scene.. switch to another fad. This is sickening. Really sickening. It's just like, 'make up your mind!' you know? I don't care what music you listen to, but don't go acting or dressing all different. It's not impressing anybody.
Everybody is judgemental and trendy, and everybody knows this. We're all whores to the media and there's nothing anybody can do about it. The media isn't evil. The media is whatever you fucking like it to be. The media is your idol. You look up to it. Maybe it's not the same thing for everybody, but everybody has goals and they're all based on something that you are not. Alternative press or your best friend is the same exact thing is Entertainment Tonight. A litte pool of people who are interested in the same things being what they see. Everybody is trying to make something of themselves. No matter where you're trying to get; happy, sad, up, down, right, left ...it's still a fucking direction. So don't put anybody down for not trying to get where you're going.
Anywho, it's just funny to see the stages unfold. Duh, I'm going through it. But just seeing these 'rebelious kids' act like the next scenester is weird. Really, really weird.
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[08 Jan 2005|03:18pm] |
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[08 Jan 2005|02:42pm] |
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mood |
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excited |
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music |
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no music on my brothers computer =( |
] |
my brother left for new york today.
he also left his laptop here. this means i have RICH TEXT TIL'MONDAY!!! yesok.
I slept until 12 today... which was amazing.
I'd just like to let everyone know
***KRISPY KREMES ARE NOW AVAILABLE FRESH DAILY AT STAR*****
So I ate like.. 3. Because I am the man at life or something like it.
I'm going to my first show ever tonight. I'm really excited. It's penguin. I heard they're kickass. I don't really know what to expect. Maybe I'll meet some kids or something.
Anyways. This time next week, I'll be in Long Island at a swim meet. At night and before we swim we get to go out and stuff... so I need to get my camera fixed. I've never been to NYC. Bah I have butterflys now.
Yeah so there is a box of Krispy Kremes upstairs. They're way cooler than this computer. And that's why I'm done.
hearts.
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[06 Jan 2005|11:56am] |
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I JUST MADE THE COOLEST EVER THROWUP NOISE~1
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[06 Jan 2005|08:37am] |
1. I can't find my cellphone. It's on silent from when I was at school, so it looks like calling it won't help.
2. My camera, my love, my life, is totaled.
3. I think Sara is home from Florida. I would call her if I had my phonebook in my cellphone.
Ok I'm mad.
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| Up yours, Mr. Tom Kelly. |
[06 Jan 2005|08:06am] |
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mood |
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blah |
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music |
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weezer- buddy holly |
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The one fucking day Shitfield schools close due to snow...
I was going to stay home anyways.
So now I have a cold or something violently deadly like that, and everyone is out sledding, and missing school.
Well, FUCK YOU.
...If you're not sick.
I think I'm going to go take some notes and stuff on the tsunami stories for my newspaper article. I should get started considering the soft deadline is the 19th.
heartsvcxznmdfgfdsk
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| I say: |
[04 Jan 2005|08:38pm] |
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mood |
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accomplished |
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music |
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Brand New- Mix Tape |
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I took a lot of pictures today, so it would be cool if I had rich text.
I'll try to put the links up soon.
I made my first real, icon in photoshop. Picture taken by me.
Don't ask me why I take so many pictures of my feet and film myself walking in black and white.
I have no flipping idea.
Mom took AIM off the computer. I don't have anything to say about that.
I have to go do my homework.
I think I'm sick.
hearts#
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| These feelings come and go. |
[03 Jan 2005|04:40pm] |
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mood |
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complacent |
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music |
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Bright Eyes- Lover I don't have to love. |
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I'm not really sure how my moods can just switch all of the time. It's odd, and I'm moody.
No, it isn't PMS.
Lately I've been organized. When I say lately I mean, about the past two days. Usually I'll be oganized for a few hours, then something will go wrong, and everything will fall apart because that's what I let happen. But no, since yesterday I've been happy and excited, if you will. For example, last night I cleaned my room, did my laundry, listened to music, and did my homework all before 8:00. (I got home from dad's around 5) I wasn't annoyed and irritable after... I felt accomplished and watched TV. I know it seems little, but I haven't been this way while being content with myself since I was younger.
I've always been happy out loud, but not alone. Ever since I was 8 or so I'd just go into the crying fits. I went to counseling and they said it was because I missed my dad. Bull shit. I've always just been so upset with who I am, never good enough for myself, you know? And even if I thought I was happy before, I don't think I really was. I think I am now. I think things are finally starting to make sense. I think that knowing things actually does get you places.
Like, before I knew I was bigger than the anorexics at our school, I knew I didn't have a lot of friends, I knew I had problems with myself and my family... but I denied it. I denied it to myself and to others. But knowing this, I'm better off. When a boy says "You're fat." in school, (example?) I'm not going to deny it or turn around. I'll just be like.. "Ok, I know. What made you think I wasn't aware?". I don't know if it sounds like I'm being hard on myself, but after I don't feel shitty. I don't feel like I should diet, I feel like the kid has a lot to learn in life. Maybe this is what all this shit about 'you have to be comfortable with yourself to acheive happiness' is about. I'm not saying I'm okay with the way I look or act, I'm saying I know I'm not okay with it and I know I'm able to fix it.
Anywho, I need to start cracking down for swimming. The Long Island MLK meet is in a couple weeks, and I need to start working hard. I'm going to try to eat healthy. I just had a protien shake, and figured out how much protien is in milk, how much a serving is, calories, etc. I'm a nut, a real nut. Or maybe, I just really want to beat the shit out of any kid who races me. akdflasj;kl;d
I have swim practice in a few, and I'm going to try homework for once.
Adios amigos.
hearts&
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[01 Jan 2005|06:11pm] |
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So I hear a crunching sound behind me.
I turn around only to find MOLLY, eating my pez, wrapper and all.
What a jerk! = P
( GUILTYHEADGUILTYHEADGUILTYHEAD )
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[01 Jan 2005|12:36am] |
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mood |
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My emocticons bite. |
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music |
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Brand New- Seventy times 7? wteff. |
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Dear Roffey,
I erased my history, no need to worry about me breaking into your journal again.
Love,
Kerry.
Tonight was a ball and a half.
We did a lot of things.
Unfortunately we didn't have enough time to do my book discussion and cleansing cucumber mask.
Gosh.
Did I mention Napolean Dynamite is the light?
Ok.
heartsandstuff_kerry
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| My hot_rad_emo application. |
[28 Dec 2004|05:31pm] |
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anxious |
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Bright Eyes- The Calender Hung itself |
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BASICS
Name: Kerry
Age: 14, sadly.
Current Location: Marshfield, Massachusetts
Sexual preference: straight
A short bio about yourself: I hate 'president' Bush with a passion. I'm in the Drama Club and Newspaper Staff. I adore starbucks. I am learning to play guitar.. I can play what... 5 songs? I'm 5'7. I like barbie hair clips. I surf a bit when my brother comes home from college. I have a puppy. I like to take pictures. I write with a sharpie. I like Conor Oberst a lot. /end
FAVORITES
10 favorite bands: Sunny Day Real Estate, The Decembrists, Alexisonfire, Death Cab For Cutie, Bright Eyes, Hawthorne Heights, Desaparecidos, From Autumn to Ashes, Planes Mistaken for Stars, Thursday.
5 favorite movies: White Oleander, How to Deal, Pretty in Pink, Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club.
5 favorite TV shows: I just watch Music videos and Molly Ringwald movies... not many TV shows.
5 favorite books: The Perks of Being a Wall Flower and Cut are my favorite.. I haven't read much else.
5 favorite authors: Stephen Chbosky... I can't think of any others.
Favorite emo song: Deathcab- Tiny Vessels
Favorite non emo song: Feeder- High
Favorite Lyric: "Yeah you are beautiful, but you don't mean a thing to me."
Foods: Captain crunch
Drinks: Carmel Frappacino
OPINIONS
Same-sex marriages: No different than marrige between and man and woman. Love is love. Anybody against it is just the same as any racist.
Bush: jfdklsjafkdl;asjfkdlas;jfkdlajfkdal;fkdlas;fjkdlas;jfdklsa;jfdksal;fjdkasl NOTHX.
Kerry: I don't like him... but he would have been better than Bush for sure. He was just far too vague about his plan.
War: Make love, not war.
The draft: It's a violation of human rights... if there is one my mother is making us move to canada because one of my brothers is 18. I'm thinking of holding some sort of protest, or atleast joining in on one.
Abortion: Pro choice. My personal opinion is it completely depends upon the situation. If I were raped I would like to have a choice, but if it was my decision to have sex I think I would have to live with it.
Drugs: I've never tried them... I don't really plan to. Many of my friends do, it's cool. That's their decision. I just wouldn't want them to get hurt. I'll probably end up doing them.. I'm still young, I guess.
Drinking: I think it can be helpful to an extent. Like cutting or burning I guess. It makes things more fun if you're at a show or something like that.
Smoking: My dad has been smoking since he was 17 and he has a lot of problems now. I plan to stay away from it. If you smoke I won't hold it against you... I really don't care as long as it's controlled and it's not hurting you in the longrun.
Rape: It's sad and disgusting, if it's real. It would be so much easier to find somebody for you than face the charges after raping.
Self-injury (cutting): if you understand it and have good reason for it, it's your decision. it helps, it's an outlet. however, i am sick of these simple plan fans cutting for attention.
MTV: dskalfdjka;/ Kids need to think for themselves. I don't care what they watch, but if they're wearing things they see on it or living by lyrics they hear on it... then that's horrible. One thing that bothers me: as soon as a band such as Blink 182 is on MTV it becomes a 'poser' band. That's sad because these bands have been around for a long time and just because they didn't pass up the offer to make billions of dollars does not mean they are fakes.
MTV runs 'FUSE' which is mostly a punk/rock/emo'ish channel. A lot of the music they play sucks... but I have seen FallOutBoy, The Used, Hawthorne Heights, and Deathcab songs on there. So atleast they did something correctly..
Labels: Sadly they're now a part of many people's brains. They're dumb. Is that how lazy we are getting? That we have to make it easier to judge others? As if judging isn't bad enough. God.
Suicide: It's a great idea when cutting isn't working... it just never pans out like you want it to. I guess it's pretty bad for the people who love you, though. Refer to what I would do if I had an hour to live.
RANDOM QUESTIONS
1.If you were stranded on a island and could only take three things, what would they be and why?: Conor Oberst, water, and my ipod. Conor is a given, I wouldn't want to die because I would be with Conor so I would need water, and my ipod because I live by music.
2.Do you have what it takes?: That is for you to decide.
3.What is YOUR definition of emo?: emotion; a very misunderstood genre of music, love, a good way to be made fun of, something you're never good enough for.
4.if you only had and hour to live what would you do and why?: clean out my locker, erase any online accounts, magazine subscripions, turn all the lights off in my room, and run away. I wouldn't want people to remember me and have to clean up my messes.
5.Promote this community in 3 places and place the COMMENT link here. I will check!!!! Somebody please explain to me how to do this.
6.Where did you hear about this community?: Links... maybe 'sharpiexcore'?
7.Why should we accept you?: I need people to talk to... maybe who will be willing to understand me..
/done
my fotki account is 'xholdyourbreathx'. The pictures are a bit old.. I have short hair now. I'm dying it red. redredredredred.
red.
I will try to fix my LJcuts and links and rich text later, but i'm on a Macintosh... and it won't work on here.
heartsandstuff _kerry
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| Crampage. |
[28 Dec 2004|04:08pm] |
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crappy |
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A Perfect Circle- 3 Libras/Sunny Day Real Estate- In Circles |
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I just finished watching 'The Rock' with Ev. It was decent.
This morning at practice my knee was just crap. We had to do 20 sets of 400IM.. ew. So I made it through about 8 of them and my knee was throbbing so I just stopped to let it calm down like I have been doing in the past. This time it didn't go away. So I was just sitting on the pool deck waiting for it to feel better and coach comes over and he starts telling me it's not fair that I am sitting out and the rest of my teammates are swimming. NO SHIT. As if I don't feel bad enough... while watching my friends basically.. die. Why doesn't he understand that I am doing the best I can to get through this. 99% of the time while swimming my knee hurts... and I just keep swimming. Finding Nemo's a good movie. Okay anyways.. I have another orthopediestictomotristatric appointment soon. I really want to get this over with before the MLK Long Island meet on the 12th fdasfjdsal;djka I want to go so bad.
All is well and good otherwise. I spent the day with Ossie.. my dog. He's weirder than last time we hung out. That's right, I chill with my dog. We eat animal crackers.
rte_nosupport=(Sorry, your browser does not currently support the rich text environment.) rte_nosupport=(Sorry, your browser does not currently support the rich text environment.) rte_nosupport=(Sorry, your browser does not currently support the rich text environment.) rte_nosupport=(Sorry, your browser does not currently support the rich text environment.) rte_nosupport=(Sorry, your browser does not currently support the rich text environment.) rte_nosupport=(Sorry, your browser does not currently support the rich text environment.)
NO PICTURES FOR MACINTOSH USERS GET THE PICTURE DUH.
ah.. here's my photobucket account. deftones343/
link it yourself lazy-asses.
I have to like.. clean and call grandma and stuff.
Bye.
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| dfsafdsafdsa |
[27 Dec 2004|05:06pm] |
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calm |
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Incubus- Roxanne |
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newpicturesnewpicturesnewpicturesnewpicturesnewpicturesnewpicturesnewpicturesnewpicturesnewpicturesnewpictures
i need a photobucket to post them, and if my e'mail were working and would allow me to click the activation link, this page would be full of new pictures. unfortunately no, nonononono.
i have to go get ready for swim practice. after lauren is sleeping over and then we have swim practice again at 6am.
joy.
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| I'm using this journal again. |
[27 Dec 2004|11:14am] |
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creative |
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Incubus- Pardon Me |
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I feel like I should really be apologizing for the yesterdays, and I feel like this everyday. Because everyday I am learning new things, understanding better, maybe maturing, I hope to god?
It's just like, I look back on things I have said, thought, done, wanted to do.. etc, and want to slap myself. I just read some of my journal entrys and am like 'wteff???' I don't even know what posesses me to write these things.
On the other hand, this is my journal.
I'm so caught up in myself, self absorbed, making everything so complicated, when really it shouldn't be. I really just want to be happy and want people around my to accept me because that is how simple it really is. That is how I am thinking.
It's hard, though. Sometimes I feel helpless and I can't think clearly enough to know how to make myself feel okay. I guess that's what cutting is. I mean, I've heard people say what it is and I've thought I have understood it, but really I have not. I do now, I mean I think I do. I think it is a control game. I think when I am mad, and I'm trying to fix things but am too thick to, the only way out is to gain control, give a reality check, forget, I guess. I'm stopping. I'm off meds, my relationships are better, I'm making friends, and I'm trying to find an outlet. Things such as this are hard to put into words, I think.
I'm an ass. I really am. It's just a given, a fucking given. Acting like I understood everything and all. I really thought I did, and when people told me I didn't I got pissed and cut. That's how lame it was.
I don't want to be mad anymore. I never really wanted to be, but now I'm realizing how wothless it really is. I'm moving on and forgetting about things. I just wish others could do the same. But that is the price one pays I guess. Maybe in the end it's all worth it, I hope.
I really don't have anything to be upset about, now.
I got a new wetsuit for Christmas so I can go surfing with Ryan during the winter without having to borrow one from Bob. It's really nice, my mom gave it to me. ...Along with every Molly Ringwald movie under the sun.
Things are better between her and I, much better.
My dad gave me a Camera and a Cell Phone. I just... fdlskafjkdlas;fkdlsa;fjkdla;
I got the HP digital camera.. I'm going outside to take pictures of the snow in a few. It's the fucking best.
My cell phone, oh god. I'm just glad I finally got one. My dad went on and on about how I wouldn't get one until I was 16.. when I opened it my jaw dropped and he just laughed. I still don't even know how to explain how I felt.
I got so much more.. little things mostly, but it was all great stuff. 2004=bestchristmasever.
I felt selfish, after opening the camera, and then the phone... I wanted to give it back. I'm still not really sure if I desserve that much. I'm too much of a girl. Whenever my dad buys me something I just think about how he flys out to Michigan every week, works by himself for pretty much every waking hour of his, and comes home for 2 days and deals with me and my brothers. I want to cry because I think of how much he has sacraficed to keep my brothers and my happy. He's worked so hard and he still does. I remember doing an English paper on him and I had to interview him. Somewhere along the line he told me his goal in life was to die with his children well off. That made me cry. I don't think I would ever be able to do what he is doing.
I should really give some credit to my mother now. Giving her life up, raising three todlers on her own.
/applause.
She is amazing.
Anyways... this Christmas was wonderful. My parents are god.
I'm going outside to take pictures with my puppy. Belle has my earmuffs on right now. Belle is the dawgy... fizzle.
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[23 Nov 2004|09:28pm] |
I am very confused.
My dad got a job offer in Boston, meaning he will be home during the week. I told Ann Marie... she said it would be good for me to move to his house. Things with mom are getting worse and she is refusing help. I can't make things better at school... so it is just seeming as if it isn't even worth it to try anymore. It would be so much easier to start over new where people don't know anything about me or the stupid things I have done, which is very selfish. I almost feel bad for leaving, because I know there are so many people who are in worse situations that don't have the easy way out... but I do and I feel like I should hand it over to somebody else... which is not possible.
There are a lot of things going on. I really have nobody to talk to, except people at swimming, JonJon, and people from Reading. The kids at swimming really do not understand me, because there I am different. I can be happy because nobody known about my problems.
I'll finsh up later, mom's yelling.
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[21 Nov 2004|06:07am] |
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HJNVLKNJSKLHP#@*(&
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| I don't know. |
[20 Nov 2004|12:09pm] |
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hungry |
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music |
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Less than Jake- Look What Happened |
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So now I cannot write how I feel or what is going on in my journal without getting flamed apparently.
Just... it sucks that last year I was one way, and nobody is willing to accept the ways I've changed. Everybody thinks I'm a 'poseur'. I don't even know how to spell it.
Mom is fucking going crazy on me. I'm at dad's. We went out to dinner last night... I had a salad because I'm fat? Yes, anyways. We talking about what was going on with mom, and he said that moving to his house was even more of a possibility because there is this job offer that he got in Boston so he would be at home during the weeks instead of in Michigan. I really hope I can. Yes, I would be running away from my problems, but apparently nobody would care at all if I was gone. I am dumb. And nobody will reply to this because they all agree, or most likely nobody is reading this which is even better. If I could just leave without telling anybody. Nobody would notice, probably. Nobody calls me or IMs me anyways. I could start over, or end, maybe. Ending would be preferred.
I remember in the doctors office Ann Marie asked me that if I really wanted to kill myself would I tell my mom to get help? If I wanted to end my life, I wouldn't go tell my mom, if I wanted to end my life, I wouldn't want to be saved, I would want to die. She asked some stupid questions.
I think I'm going to take a shower, and maybe then go downtown with Bob Peyton and Pat.. I miss them so much. Peyton's parents are getting divorced.. I really want her to sleep over tonight, but I have swimming tomorrow in the morning.
Speaking of swimming, before we swam I was in the locker room getting changed, and Katie came up to me and she told me about this picture she found of Lauren her and I when we went camping and she put it in a 'Best friends' frame. That really made my day. I know naming 'best friends' is dumb, but yesterday it just seemed really good, because it reminded me that even if I don't have a lot of friends at school, Katie and Lauren are always there for me. I really love them.
I have to go get ready for the day.
Kerry
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| I met the new therapist. |
[18 Nov 2004|06:07pm] |
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mood |
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sore |
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music |
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Name- Goo Goo Dolls |
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Her name is Ann Marie. She is really nice. I was passive at first, but now I feel like I can talk to her. She took me off prozac and I am going to south shore medical center to be evaluated. I should be upset about this, and I should be trying to avoid all medication and such. But really, I just want to be happy. If I hold back she will not know how to help me and I will just get worse. I do not feel any worse when I am not on meds. Prozac did nothing for me. She said that sometimes meds do not work as well for some than others. I trust her. Even though I do not know her, I trust her. I think it is easy to trust somebody who knows nothing about you, and nothing you have done. It is not like starting over. It is like handing your problems to somebody who will not hand them back to you, and it helps.
She was Rhyan Flemming's therpist. I never knew Rhyan that well, but we had exchanged words more than a few times. It was hard to be in the same seat that Rhyan sat in, and play with the same rubix cube that Rhyan did, and look through the same window as Rhyan did, and listen to the same relaxing CDs as she did. It was hard, really hard.
In other news, I am reading the best book I have ever read. 'The Perks Of Being a Wallflower'. I started reading it maybe.. last Wednesday. Meaghan let me borrow it but she needed back so I bought my own because I wasn't finished. I just really got into it. If you have not read it, it will sound dumb so I will not try to explain it. But if 'Charlie' was a real person I think I would want to be his best friend. His story is real, and he is so smart. This book has made me realize many things, and I am unerstanding the way I think and react better, now. This book is really changing my life.
I have noticed a change in the way I am writing, thinking, reacting, and interperating situations, now. I am more laid back, but now things will bother me more because I don't have the will to mention or fix them.
I do not know why I try to be friends with her. She is smart, funny, and sometimes really understands me. How can somebody this great make me feel so badly about myself? She is no doubt superior, and maybe that is why. Maybe I'm trying too hard to for once help her... but I cannot. There have been things I have done in the past that I truly regret, but have somewhat had no control over. She cannot trust me now, and I will never forgive myself for betreying somebody who was so good to me. Yet on the other hand, she still does not understand that nothing I have ever done to her was out of ill will. Maybe she does not even care or want to have anything to do with my problems. Is that not what a friend is? Somebody who will help you when you are having troubles and somebody you will always be there for? Maybe she is misunderstanding how much I appriciate her and need her. Maybe be she thinks this a pathetic act and fony words in order to regain her friendship. Whatever, she has other friends. Why the hell would she ever want to deal with me?
<3Kerry
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| I got my hair cut =] |
[16 Nov 2004|03:11pm] |
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accomplished |
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music |
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Ahhh I gotta go. |
] |
It's short, real short.
Anyways, on Saturday I had a swim meet and I came in first place in my 100 backstroke race, ah and I cut 8 seconds off of my previous best time.
Then I babysat for Connie with Katie and we got addicted to vanilla milk... yesm, vanilla milk.
On Sunday I had more of the swim meet... and I swam my first 500. As soon as I dove into the water my goggles fell off. >.< Then about 100 into it my cap fell off, and I still came in second? Talent, no?! Pffft I wish.
Monday bited.
lol. bited. bit.
I got to swim practice two hours early by accident, and we had to listen to a nutritionist speak and take team pictures. I lost my goggles and cap, both of which were new =[ On the way home we stopped at CVS, and I got spray hair wax... not like... waxing. Wax to hold your hair. It works good. I got barbie hair pins and elastics. They're kind of hott.
Today there was no heat at school. And I got my place on the yearbook staff back because Mrs. Ferarro loves me? Yeah, I had my homework in every class, and I was just caught up. Art sucked. Kyle was being mean and making fun of me and then at the end he was like 'Aw Kerrrrrr, you know I was only joking, I loff you.' and I am just annoyed with him. I'm so confused, he makes fun of me and then tells me he loves me and he's sorry? He sucks at being the kid that you used to be best friends with, got in a fight with, and now are good friends with again >.< Lunch bited. lol@bited. It's my new word, k? Yeah I spoke with Haily Morris and Kelsey Bryant in the lunch line, we were talking about warped tour. They're really nice people, and they like Rancid and Flogging Molly, so they are kind of awesome. That was the highlight of lunch... ah it was boring. But after Kurpess gave me a hug and I felt better. Miss Meggy also came up from behind me and started yelling at me, about 5 minutes later I realized it was her, and just started laughing at my own stupidity. Meg is kind of the best person I know. French class was decent, me and Harry had to make up a dialogue together in french. It consisted of us laughing really hard, forgetting our lines, and adlibbing the entire conversation. Harry is the man. A lot of people say EW HARRY?!#@?! He's a really good looking kid, he's nice to everybody, funny, and a goof. I've known him for too long to like him in that sort of a way I think, so don't get the wrong idea.
Now I have to go do homework, save my puppy from being hit by a car, and go to swim practice.
bye, lovies.
<3Captain Kerry MacMomma
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[12 Nov 2004|03:09pm] |
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cold |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
My heart is the worst- Falloutboy<3 |
] |
Today was just...
downright bad.
I got kicked off of the yearbook staff because some lady who came up and started yelling at me for having too many kids in the pictures gave Mrs. Ferarro some bullshit about me giving her an attitude so she would kick me off. I hate, hate, hate Mrs. Coakly.
Then in art Mrs. Bartley gave everybody their grades, and everyone got good grades except for me, she said I had a c+... ok? Art is my best subject, so I started getting on her case because I know that it was false and she doesn't like me...
So she gave me my grades, and I knew they were too low but I couldn't do anything about that..
80, 85, 85, 88, 75, 75?
I just said okay, and I averaged them out to make sure they came out to a C+, I was praying they wouldn't because then I would have to live with it.
So put those 6 grades together and it equals 483. Divide that by 6, and you get 80.5
AHHHH BITCH!!!!
So I told her and she was like
'WTF KERRY I TOLD YOU YOU GOT A 79, AND YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT'
Haha, oh no, Mrs. Bart face, oh no.
So everybody in the class averaged it out ANNDD then started yelling at her to change it.
....Bitch.
..Blah, so the entire day I was basically showing no emotion at all. I didn't smile at all, I rarley laughed, and I was just morbid.
It was not fun.
I could go to the High School Football game after swim practice, but I'm going to go call Katelyn Coghlan and see if she wants to do something...
I'll write soon.
And no, I did not spell check.. I hope you laughed.
Kerry
|
|
| FAT CHANCE, MOM. |
[11 Nov 2004|09:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Change- Deftones |
] |
Ah, she just gav me all this bullshit about being sorry, and saying that it's okay if I still hang out with meg. She wants me to forgive her, lmao.
...I don't understand her, there's nothing to be understood. She's got issues, and I like to think that I have better things to do than dealing with them.
So now she's letting me go on her computer and stuff... she just confuses the hell out of me.
Well, I do have a few things to look foward to =]
Tomorrow I'm hoping Kristen, Rachel and I will finally go see 'The Grudge'; we've been wanting to forever.
On Saturday after the swim meet I'm babysitting for Connie, those kids are so fucking cute now, they actually cooperate for me now.. they just needed to get to know me, maybe? The other night I was putting them to bed, and Cole [5yrs] was trying to convice me that he didn't need a pull up when he slept, so I revealed to him that I still wear them... and now he flaunts it. It's funny. But yeah, babysitting isn't the good part, it's that miss Katie Leccece is babysitting the Chin's that night because Connie's family and Linda's are going out together... so I'm going to bring the kids up to Linda's house because... that's where Katie's babysitting... yeh duh. I haven't seen her in so long, this should be pretty fun. <3
Sunday I have a swim meet, again.
OH SHIZ, LIFE AS WE KNOW IT IS ON!&*#)!
Yes, I like that show.
Plus Belle is jumping up onto the chair, and I cannot resist her adorable puppy face. awww belllleeeeeyyyy bababaybyyyf8(&*(*()@&($..
wow..
/is quiet.
No, I did not spell check this entry, enjoy and poke fun at my skill.
Kerry
|
|
| I'll try and condense this. |
[11 Nov 2004|07:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bitchy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
My head hurts |
] |
Today I tried to get drunk, but my mom had watered down everything.
It was a horrible day, she came home early and found vodka and a razor in my room. I am stupid.
She flipped out on me. Then randomly she said wwe was going to take me to levitate... wtf.. ok, I needed some new stickers for my board, and I just wanted to talk to Bob anyway, so I went along with it.
Erin Quirk and Emily Shanly were there. It kind of sucked. They just kept giving me bad looks... whatever.
My mom got pissed at me when we got home for no apparent reason.
She came to the conclusion that ever since I've really been friends with Meg, I've been getting farther into depression and that my laptop is the devil.
So now she said I can never talk to her again, and she took away my laptop for good.
Meg and I are not on good terms at the moment, she said some things I wish she didn't, and she thinks very low of me. I wanted to call her, but I'm scared. She probably won't even care... she thinks I'm fake, and that is basically what ruined my day. I thought she understood me, and I could trust her. She thinks I create this, but why would I want to move to my fathers to get away from it if I created it, or was just making it seem worse?
Blah, mom is seriously considering sending me to mclean. Marykate thinks I should, it could be worth it. I'd like to get away from mom... what? ahhhh
I have to go. Mom's coming, this is probably one of the last entrys I'll post, or maybe my mom will forget and give me my laptop back.
She's crazy, I don't even know.
|
|
| Fix. |
[11 Nov 2004|08:35am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Tiny Vessels-deathcab |
] |
I posted a poem, but I wanted to fix the layout.
Okay;
I can't see through my mirror anymore.
These hateful messages block the way.
The ink of my mind blocks the beauty that I search for
I see nothing, I see black space.
Reminders of everything I've failed, everbody that I've cheated.
I used to try and look past, but I've given up.
Because the time I spend is only wasted,
wasted on trying to see the worth of me.
It was so much better on the lined paper with sharpie =/
I'm dissapointed.
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|
| I hurt all over. |
[10 Nov 2004|10:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
We Looked Like Giants- Deathcabforcutie |
] |
So I went to newspaper today, and after Meg and I walked to starbucks. I forgot money, and she had a few dollars, so we split a frappaccino because she is nice.
My mom got there to pick me up, and she was acting so nice. She was all happy go lucky, meg went to go throw something away and my mom gave me the dirtiest look possible. When we got into the car [Meg decided to walk home] my mom started yelling at me. She was flipping out, I don't even remember what about. I can't anymore. Theres so much going on... blah, I don't even know. She is crazy, I told her she should see a therapist, and she called me a fucking retard. She needs help, I'm worried. I can't take her anger anymore. She takes everything out on me, and then get's mad at me whenever I.. yeah, whatever.
This is the falling out.
I imed Marykate, and basically she flipped out on me. She had no good reason, she called me a poser, and she bragged about her cuts being deeper than mine.
I don't know, anymore.
Today I had another random burst of anger, I wanted to cut so badly. I did, on my leg. But I wrote a poem. After I cut, I was staring at my mirror, and I had a hard time trying to see myself...
When I get mad, I write all over my mirror with a sharpie. I write how I feel, what I hate about myself... why I'm like this. And as I was writing, I just realized I can't even see myself anymore, because I'm covered by my flaws, literally. I wrote this poem... it means so much to me.. it just flowed out of the pen, it took no more than two minutes, it was on my paper after a matter of time, and it describes how I feel so, so well.
( I know I'll just get comments on how I'm a poser, and how this means nothing... but I'll deal with it. )
|
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| and as you turn to walk away, you hear him say 'you'll never make it in this world alone' |
[08 Nov 2004|06:20pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
geeky |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
A Lack of Color- deathcabforcutie |
] |
The past few days have been okay, I guess. Sunday my daddy took me to get Transatlanticism. {deathcab cd} it's beautiful.
So I took some pictures.. and I'll just.. leave it at that;;;;;;;
My Ray Burn glasses are kind of way better than your Calvin Kleins.
Well, I don't know what to say. This is my ghetto gangster/emo/80's classic/retard pose. Hot, no?
Thankyou meg for helping. because i am a dumbass. k?
Me and meg don't say fuck anymore, we say feck.
dinner is ready, i'll be back in a few,
Okay, that was kind of an awesome dinner. We had stuffed shells, and those I do love, love, love.
Today over the loud speaker Mr. Makien announced that the first newspaper staff meeting is in Mr. Tibbots room, on Wednesday after school, and I was excited.Meg will obviously be on it, and her+me=besttimever, ferreal. And later on, i went down to blue cluster, to start taking pictures of them for the yearbook. And then I remembered I have the yearbook committee after school on wednesday... I can't miss that, or I'll lose Mrs. Ferraro's trust which matters very much so, because she is my homeroom and history teacher... so oh god. I'm torn. Me and Meg were going to go down to starbucks after school and then hang around at the mazes with some other people after school on wednesday as well... well it seems as if that's out of the question.
I'm sad.. I hope me and meg can go on Thursday, because we need to spend some time together. She is seriously the best friend I have ever heard, we're going through the same things, and it's all okay. I loff her<3
So my mom is always nagging me, yelling at my for the silliest little things. Like if I leave something out and I am going to use it, she will flip out on me without even asking my to put it away. I'm actually quite responsible most of the time. On occasion I will leave stuff out on my own laziness, but so will she. I know I'm still a child, but she's a hypocrite. I guess we are all children, in some ways.
Swell, just swell. I've been out of swimming since Thursday. Wednesday night I slipped on hardwood floor, and long story short, my entire right leg, namely my knee is fecked. It hurts badly when I bend it, when I walk. Coach thinks I'm such a slacker, but really I'm injured. Well.. I do slack, but THIS time I'm not. Oh god haha that was such an oxymoron.
I'm listening to my new Death Cab For Cutie CD, and I love it. I'm wearing the string bracelet jonjon sent me, I love it. It's ugly, but he's so sweet<3.
I have to do laundry&clean&pickstuffoutfortomorrow.
I'm such a mess, right now.
<3McMom.
|
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| Life kind of sucks at the moment. |
[06 Nov 2004|04:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
&8&#*()&@8(0&*()#&*@() |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Underoath- The Impact of Reason |
] |
That entry caused a lot of commotion, and I don't regret it.
It was all true. Some ignorant people have said things about it... and if anyone had the nerve to say something bad about it, than I'd just like to dub them as the most immature people.. ever.
My mom is actually acknowledging me now, she still doesn't like me, but she will look at me now.
Blah, I hate the way she acts around me. She always breathes hard, and has this nastly look in her eyes, like she's about to condemn me to hell. Things are sucky around the house.
Me and Evan are closer now. He has a better understanding of my life and what i have to put up with. He's nice now.
Today... was boring. There's no food here, or atleast nothing good. All I've had is a bite of a tuna fish sandwich, but that's all I really want.
Bob Peyton and I were supposed to go down the center for something to eat, but then Bob realized he had a hockey game, and peyton went... and I didn't really feel like going somewhere cold, so I stayed here.
I don't feel like being around people... I don't know.
Me and lauren talked on the phone, lauren is a goodie<3
Blah... randomly I feel good, I don't want to write about problems anymore, I just want to forget everything... and it's sort of working... I'm going to go ask dad if we can go out to dinner.
This is such a random feeling.
I'll write later, because I know this feeling wont last.
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| Note to a lot of people at FBMS. |
[03 Nov 2004|07:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Slipknot- Duality |
] |
Stop hurassing me, stop bullying me, stop talking about me, stop calling me a poser.
I hate how your simple little care free popular minds think that you can treat somebody this way and not make them want to kill themselves.
I hate how when I dress preppy I get treated better.
I hate how people pick me apart behind my back and expect me not to retaliate.
I hate how people call me a poser, and don't take into considereation that if I was, I would have stopped being rebelious and different a long time ago. I subject myself to such bad treatment because being mainstream and cool means your living a fake life.
I can't get happy, I can't stop, I can't be nice, I can't be optopmisitic, It's hard to laugh, I can't show emotions, I can't live anymore.
Cutting is for people without the balls to kill themselves.
I have nothing to live for, nobody would miss me, I wouldn't have to deal with all of these people blaming me, taking shit out on me, ganging up on me.
This is who I am, I will not conform to society, I will not subject myself to this living hell.
Comment with something truly worth living for. Or an insult to further my depression, because I can't go on living life like a lie, and everything is alright.
Tell me my flaws.
Yesterday after I got off of the bus, I flipped out. I cut myself, I punched a whole in the wall, I trashed my room. Mike Valenti is a horrible person. He has no regaurd for anyone unless they are hott and mainstream, two of which he is not. He's making my life suck. I end my social day on the bus, where he insults, blames and bully's me. If my mom would let me, I would rather walk the few miles home everyday than spend that much time with him on the bus. I hate him passionately.
I am fat, and I'm going to stop eating.
I hope this entry scared you and made you realize what you have done to me. Stop.
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| Dear fucking god, I am terribly sorry, but I think Taking Back Sunday is a half way decent band?! |
[30 Oct 2004|03:54pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
MY IPOD. LOLZ MIKEY. |
] |
So much to update on... so, so, much.
I'm cleaning&stoff at the moment. Later I'm going to the Haunted house with 4 of my friends drom Duxbury, and 1 from Plymoth, it's going to be a blllalasssstt. We're going to go on the hay ride thinger as well. Then we're probably going to walk down to Hubbards Cuppard, and get load of food? yes. 10$ says it will result in a sleepover, I hope so.
<3 Kerry
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| ^&*^@&*(#&*)&%*( |
[28 Oct 2004|05:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
chipper |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Rage Against the Machine- Renegades of Funk |
] |
Wahow, today we decent. Decent meaning near perfect. But lets rewind to last night after I got out of the shower.
My thoughts: I'm so sick of my hair just straight, theres nothing interesting about it. I'm not impressed by it, everybody has straight, long, hair.
So I brushed my hair, and took some scicsors to it. I cut wispie bangs, and just aimlessly snipped away, my hair is so layered now, but it still has no body. There was maybe a 1 out of 50 change it would look good, and I took my unlikely chances.. I think it looks alright. Today at school everybody was saying they liked it, it made me feel better about myself =]
I still need to make some changes... I'll probably go doctor it up after I finish writing.
So first period was music, we played Musical Note Bingo, it was boring, but oh goddddddd, CASEY FUCKING DEGUST IS MY HERO. He makes my day, every day. He's so amazingly funny. He just makes my feel that much better. If it weren't for him, I have no idea what I'd do with myself. He's a really good kid, though I don't know him well.
Kay, I was not looking foward to Science, because Tim is in that class and we don't get along. Plus Jody and Molly are in that class, I like them, but sometimes I get a vibe from them that they hate me, sometimes it's completely different. I was just being a bitch thinking they would be mean, because when they want to be, they're REALLY nice people. Tim was doing disgusting things with a ruler behind me... he's a fucking pervert. Molly and Jody told me they liked my hair. <3
Eh... math is math, boring, boring boring.
ART<3 Kay, I love love love this class. Casey is in it, as well as Kurpess. I sit next to Kurp, he is seriously the funniest child ever. But anyways, the person I like art most for, is Kyle. I miss hanging out with him so much. We used to be BEST friends, and it all went down the drain. He's so random and silly, he always makes me feel better. I can joke around with him, and speak freely because I've known him for just ever. Other than Meggy Casey <3, he's one of the only people I feel like I can truly be myself around, and I loff that.
Social Studies, durring reading I took my test, I know I did fairly well. I did all four essays instead of choosing 2, because I'm mentally defective. But maybe I'll get bonus points? Lunch, lunch was alright. Vicky and Jackie sat with Kristen Rachel and I. Shannon did too, and so did Marykate. Olivia sort of drifted around, sitting with different people. Erin made me put on this stoff called 'Lip Venom', and it makes your lips big. IT STINGS LIKE A MOTHER. Later on I found out it just swells your lips up. Is that not the most stupid concept you have veer heard of? Pain for beauty, pain for beuaty.
So when we really got into History, we were talking about politics. It was nothing I wasn't aware of. A lot of the people in my class had no idea what an Electoral College was, that annoyed me. People should really get into politics more, even being 13/14. Mrs. Ferarro regaurded me like I had no idea what I was talking about, she thinks I'm stupid, and that bothers me. On Monday our class will be holding a school wide election in the gym. We get to use real ballots and everything. The town is setting up for the election a day early so we can have an exact mock election. I was excited until I realized there may be a top of 10 valid political opinions in the 8th grade. All of the 7th graders and 6th graders will vote what they see on the news, and what their parents tell them. So this fakie election is going to be lame-o.
French was good, I took a test, and Mrs. Lukoski was super nice to me.
ENGLISH... Well, our class does not have to take the big test tomorrow, because we did a worksheet in class, and he said if our class averaged 95% or above, he'd give all of us A's. Haha and it worked, Mr. Kasten should be more careful with his words of motivation.
Jackie rode the bus home with me. Mikey and Brendan wouldn't leave us alone, they're very ignorant and immature. I just ignored everything they said.
We got home, had cinnoman toast crunch, cheese raviolis, played with the puppy, went online, played guitar, worked a tiny bit on the project, and she had to leave. It was fun. We talked and such, Jackie is really nice and she's a fun person to be around. She's going to come over next week to work on the project too =].
So now, I have some homework. ;/ I'm watching Harry Potter, I didn't like the movies or books at first, but they have most defanitely grown on me... annnd I'll write more tomorrow, or so.
<3McD
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|
| Last couple days. |
[27 Oct 2004|03:20pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Death Cab For Cutie- Underwater |
] |
Yesterday was balanced with the good and the bad I guess. So, I forget what I had first period. But 2nd was horrible. Tim Shehan would not leave me alone. So basically I just kept argui ng back. Him and rob megnia were calling me a goth... too bad I'm catholic. Yeah.. so 4th period was awsome. Kyle's in that class.. and wow. I miss hanging out with him. He's the funnnerrest guy ever. That class is good. It's just steph, kurp, adam, sean, kyle, rich, casey, max, olivia, savannah, rachel, aaand i know theres more. But nobody's mean to me, it's a good class. Kyle makes it fun. We were throwing these little cap thingers across the room at eachother. After that.. I had S.S. Vicky was bragging about how she made the Yearbook staff, which made me feel really bad. That's the one EC I was interested, I was going to be able to to take photography, and just be creative. And I don't make it, but VICKY?! No offense to her, but she just doesn't seem like somebody who has an appriciation for art and such. Whatever... life isn't fair, and I will deal. So lunch, yeah, there was just enough seats at the table, and Vicky and Jackie went to get lunch, and some other girl came and sat in Vicky's seat, so me Kristen and Rachel moved to a different table because we knew Vicky would get angry if she knew she had to sit by herself. So we moved to a table by ourselves in hopes of her coming over because we had done such a nice thing for her... and SHE SITS AT THE OTHER TABLE. Woooow, so late ron she came over and I told her what we did, and she was like 'Oh cool' and walked away. I thought she was different, but she's making me angry now, she doesn't seem quite herself, she seems 10x more interested in what other people think of her than what she thinks of herself... maybe it's just me, but that's getting to my nerves.
After school I went to meg's house. We made ravioli's.. danced.. went on the compuer... and ate fruity pebbles. It was suupaa fun. I went there to avoid the bus... on the bus everyone comes and sits next to me and just beats up on me, makes fun of me, won't leave me alone.. I hate it. They call me names&stuff in front of the bus driver, and she doesn't fucking do a thing.
So yeah, then I had to go to swim practice. Ah like everybody was there. Maggie found this plastic frog and she was putting it on the starting block and she was like 'yeah so this is our new kingfish mascot' so whenever she'd swim, we'd throw him across the pool, and maggie would come back and start flipping out, it was a good practice. My swim team is awsome, I don't dislike ANYBODY on it, we're all great friends, and we have the best coach in the world. He's so amazingly funny. This kid Hunter is obsessed with his hair and he has an afro, and whenever he takes his cap off he starts flipping out trying to make it again, hez's a riot. I love my entire team. When we got out of the pool coach gave us new red kingfish tee shirts, and kingfish water bottles with out names on them. Things are going good at swimming. We had a race, where there were 12 kids in each heat, and it was a 50 meter back stroke, the fastest 12 kids were in the first heat, so I guess I'm one of them. I finshed in third place! We were racing all of the high schoolers, seniors, and nationals... I'm amazed I did so well. I love backstroke, it's probably my best stroke. Swimming is love, love, love.
I'm getting into playing the guitar again... I don't remember much. My brother's teaching my the chords again... yeah. I can play Wonderwall by Oasis, and Underwater by DCFC. My brother's guitar is a goodie.
Kay, today I stayed home with a stomach bug thinger, and slept, ate animal crackers, played guitar, and watched movies. I have homework to do, so I should get started, after I watch Chicago, of course.
McDonald<3
|
|
| Today was horrible. |
[25 Oct 2004|09:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
angry |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Drowing Pool- Let the bodies hit the floor |
] |
I don't even remember what the day before the bus was like...
So Brendan Meehan and Mikey Valenti are officially diskwads. I hate them both so, so much. They're making my life just that much worse. My mom took my ipod away, so I have no way to escape their bullying. I even sat at the front of the bus in order to avoid them, but they came to me. All I remember from school is just a horrible day. Getting made fun of for being differernt, yes, the usual. Mikey called me a poser.. so tell me Mike, why would I subject myself to such public humiliation as he creates and not change myself if I was trying to be cool. Maybe because I'm not. I don't know lots of things and I'm not afraid to admit that... but what I do know is Anarchy is wonderful. I hate being viewed as a part of the crowd, I never have, so why try? Being my true self is good enough.
I called Meggy when I got home. I feel like she's the only person who understands me... she's been though everything I have plus 75897893232 million more. She's by far the best friend I could ever ask for, I seriously would have already commited suicide if it wern't for her.
I gathered up the courage to call my dad and tell him about the fight mom and I had. I told him about how she kicked me out, and she wants me to move to his house. He said it wasn't going to happen, and I told him why I wanted to... he had no idea. I was certain my parents knew about cutting myself... but yeah that was a shock to him. Mom didn't beleive me when I told her I was cutting, she thought I was trying get attention. My dad was suprised... basically I told him I wanted to kill myself, I was cutting, and everyone makes fun of me at school and I just want to die because anything would be better than going on bus 28. He talked to mom. They're still on the phone talking. I really hope I can move to Reading, the majority of the people in Marshfield either are two quick and immature to judge me, hate me, or don't want to know me, why stay? There's no reason. Everything would be better in Reading... a fresh start, you could say?
I'd just like to say now, that if there are anythings that I will be sad to leave, it is Meg, Marykate, and the entire Kingfish team. Namely on the swim team, Katie, Lauren, Sara, Erin, Nat, Katelyn, Hunter, Brian, Mini, Abby, Ash Prob., Ash Flibby, and Coach craft. Everybody else I am sure will be glad to see me gone. On weekends if /when I come visit from dad's, I will be sure to visit.
Well my brother needs to get on the computer, so I'll write more later.
<3 Kerry
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|
|
[23 Oct 2004|09:30pm] |
What a superb day.
So, I woke up feeling great. Last night's effect on me still has not worn off. I haven't had that much fun ina long time.
At 11:30 after showering and whatnot, I went to the Wrenthem outlets with my aunt who was taking me birthday shopping.
Mmmmmmkay. This is what we got...
We went into burton... I saw some orgasmic snowboards there, there was this black one with a stitched up doll that was hott pink on the back.. it kind of looked like the Slipknot or Korn logo thingermabobber. I didn't get it because I didn't have enought money, and I was not about to ask my aunt for a $400 board. So yeah, I saw some transworld skatboarding, element, tunnel vison, and adio skate videos there, I wanted them SO badly, but I didn't get hem because they were brand new and too high priced. I got a burton arrow sticker for my skateboard, which is now beautifuly pasted on. It's suuuuper. I got a Burton snowboarding poster, it's over my bed now. I got a croched dark green beanie hat... 3 pins, and a nalgene bottle.. only it was made by Burton. Then we went into Joruneys, and I got these AWERSOME neon green and ray saucony shoes, they're so damn pretty. I lub them. I got a Led Zeppeling United States of America 1977 shirt in black and white. I wanted the gray and white, but that, they lacked. I got some neon green, pink, and orange socks...
Pfft I know there's more, I'm just forgetting it.
So I had some damn good conversations with Meg and Sara today. They're so awsome. On Halloween, we're going to the Kingston mall, seeing the grudge, and trick or treating. I'm going to be spiderman, Meg's going to be Madonna from the 80's, and Sara's going to be somebody from Chicago the Musical, I forget who. It's going to be a ball, fer shure.
I forgot to enter this last night... and it's now sunday morning... and I have to go to swim practice, so by.
|
|
| Alright, all I have to say is 'Holy Jesus' |
[22 Oct 2004|10:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
drunk |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
FALL OUT BOY- GRAND THEFT AUTUMN |
] |
Tonight was awersome, just wonderful. Okay so I went to swim practice.. and we ran a bunch. It was fun, Lauren and Katie weren't there. Maggie, Kate, Sara, Flibbs, and NATCATTT were there, it was superb. So I got out about a half hour early so I could shower and dry my hair because my mom was picking me up to go straight to the football game, and when I got out of the pool, well, this was our conversation:
C= coach
K= me
C: Kerry, if you were to rank your prioritys, where would swimming be?
K: Err... Um... *silence*
C: I wish you would work harder to stay at prctices and get to more of them... because I see major potential in you, major. I think if you work hard enough, you are liable to get even further than I, you've got it Kerry, I just want you to know that you have a talent and you should take advantage of that.
K: Oh jesus... thankyou, I will make a better effort.
MIIIIND YOU, Coach Craft made it to the Olympic trials, and came in third in the event he swam... meaning he was milliseconds away from the Olympics. He said I can go further? Olympics, no?! I'm going to work super hard... no lies.
So I get to the football game... and MEGGGY'S THERE! We just walked around for a little bit. I saw Jamie Stanton and Danny Reardon. I flirt with both of them so much it's crazy. They're so sweet and they flirt back, it's cute.
So me and meg get bored.. and we see Hailey and Linnea. We sat with them and Andy and some other band kids for a while, watched their show, and went back to the band room with them. We just hung with them and drank water and such... me and meg were so disoriented.. we were just nuts.. partying with this kid is going to be crazzzzyy. Haha the high school band kids are AWWSOME. I loff them. Sept for this one kid, Pat. He was nice, but he was being all touchy feely with Meg, he was pretty much groping her, wispering things in her ears and such... she was disgusted.. but we moved on. He stuck around but then we just had a ball. We ran around the opponets side's grassy field thing. We were sticking our arms out like we were airplanes, and singing Dashboard and Fall out boy lyrics. Then we rolled around all over the grass and bumped into eachother. It was crazy... it would have been 543894378219043781290x better if we were high, it would have been out o' control motha fucka. yeh yeh.
So the night ended and stoff, i came home.. yeah, with my mom, yeah.
I'll write more later&stoff.
Macmomma<3453
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| Hey, hey, hey. |
[20 Oct 2004|09:17pm] |
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Lit- Looks like they were right |
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pshaw, FUCKING GRAND SLAMMMM JOHNNY DAMON? WTF, YES, FUCK YES YES YES YES YES FINNNAAALLLLY. Redsox: 6, yankees, FUCKIN NOTHING.
AHHH YEAH IN YA FACE YANKAAYYS, bitch.
Morning was hectic.
I was walking in the hall and I noticed meg had gotten brand new black hightop converses... I could not resist them. So I wrote a little on them, and went to homeroom.
I'm not going to post the details... but me and vicky got into a fight. We both did and said things we should not have done, it was equally both of our faults, but we resolved it. So all of these people who don't know any details, stfu, it's over, leave it.
So I had left my gym shoes in science a few weeks ago because I meant to bring them to Campbell's house because we were going straight to swim practice after school, where we would run. So Mr. Furze reminded me to put them in my gym locker today so I did, and when I was walking in the hall, I see all of these police cars, ambulences, and fire tucks outside. They were banging on the door because it was locked so I let them in. Then I headed toaward the girls locker room again because I didn't want to get in their way, when I see a group of about 10 or so 8th grade girls that I know running out of the locker room balling their eyes out. Turns out Molly Fitzgerald had a seizure... I don't know the details so I won't get into them, but that is just what I heard. She used to be my friend, she was my lab partner, but she was mad at me, I don't know if she is anymore.. but I really just hope she's okay. I feel horrible for all of the girls that witnessed it, they were all Molly's good friends... that must have been horrible for them, I can only imagine.
Kay, so I changed my mind in last period English, and ran into the bathroom with Jackie's cell phone and called my mom. So she said she'd pick my up from Yearbook committe at 3:30. So yeah okahy, everythings going to work out. So the meeting is 15 minutes long... and I'm stranded outside in the freezing cold, locked out of the school, just about to wait an hour for my mom to come.
THANKYOU LORD FOR THE FACT THAT MY BROTHERS CAR WAS IN THE HIGHSCHOOL PARKINGLOT AND WAS NOT LOCKED.
Holygod, after about 10 minutes of freezingness, I walked over to the highschool parkinglot and the only car there was my brothers. Warm and unlocked... shit yeah. So I just listened to music and slept for an hour until mom came and got me.
I had 432879230 billion string cheese when I got home, true story. Then Connie picked me up and I babysat for them until 6:30. I talked to the coolest kid ever on the phone while I was there, she goes by the name of 'Meaghan Casey' wtf@that? Yeah I know it's cool.
I worked on my Iliad thesis&stuff when I got home. English is hate, hate, hate.
When I babysat we watched Arthur. It was h-o-t-t. Anything having to do with aardvarks is a goodie.
I've gotta go do laundry, and holy shit, the mountain is on.
Tomorrow I have swim practice at 5am, before school, oh lordy.
I talked to NatCat today, I lub her. She's hilarious. I haven't seen her in soooo long I can't wait to see her at Craft practice tomorrow.
Yeah, okaythanks, bye.
KerryMama.
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[19 Oct 2004|03:54pm] |
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Skye Sweetnam is love, love, love. |
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| How boring. |
[18 Oct 2004|05:25pm] |
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crappy |
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Oasis- Wonderwall |
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Last night I watched Jack and Bobby, partly with Evan. I love that show. Mom told me before I went to bed that if I didn't think I was going to be able to go to school tomorrow I could just sleep in without getting up and telling her. WOW. So even if I wasn't going to be sick, I decided I'd take advantage of the fact that she thought my sickness was going to continue on tomorrow. Anyways, I woke up in the morning and I really still was sick so I just kept sleeping anyways. The day consisted of watching TV, sleeping, and drinking Capri Sun islan refreshers. Boo ya, it sucked. I took a shower&stuff.
I feel better now.
So I was watching FUSE, and randomly 'My Boo' by Usher and Alica Keys came on, I don't necesserily like the song, or the fact that it says 'boo'. Boo is such an urban, scene word, I just don't like it. But the lyrics describe exactly what me and this kids relationship is like. We were good friends for a while, had a thing. Got in a fight, had bad blood between us for a couple years, and now wer'e sort of talking and stuff right now. It's creepy. I like the lyrics though, aside from the Boo part.
Holy god, Harvey is the sweetest kid ever. His ex, was sort of overweight [maybe 10 lbs, not much at all], and they're still friends. But all of the sudden she's not eating much. She says she wants to be noticed. He's so worried about her. All he can do is talk about it he's so afraid she's going to get sick. He tells her she's beautiful every day, but she says he's only saying that because he's her friend and he's just being nice. Ahhhh I wish a guy cared that much about me...
Animal crackers, they're really good.
Blah life is so boring lately.
c
LOL IM LAUGHIN REALLLI HARD CUZ PPL LYKE DA NU SIMPLE PLAN SONG THEY BE DA SICK YEAHH!1!!!11one11!!!!1!
ew, wtf... poser faggots.
Hahahaha I remember last year Sara used to always say: 'Kerry, am I a punk?!'
and I'd just be like wtf, no.
She thought that listening to simple plan and wearing roxy made her a punk, I just realized she was trying really hard to be a punk, making her a poser, something I despise.
And, yeah.
Fatface<3
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| Liberating... |
[17 Oct 2004|03:54pm] |
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Death Cab For Cutie- Title and Registration |
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Last night was liberating. After 12 years of nancy bossing me around, yelling at me, giving me bad looks, and me not saying a word because I was afraid, I stood up for myself. I was sitting on the couch, on my laptop, and nancy walks in the room, picks my bag and my jacket up, and throws them about 3 feet away into the corner. I stand up and say
'Nancy! What the hell is wrong with you, you always give me shit about respecting others personal property and here you are tossing my things across the room?! For all you know my ipod could have been in my jacket! That would have been $275 out of your pocket! Grow up and stop treating me like a fucking prisoner!!!!!'
She said
'I did not!'
So I told her to shut up and I saw it with my own eyes and walked away.
I have never said a word to her, not once. She's horrible to me. Everybody see's it. I'm nothing but nice to my 40 something stepmother and she treats me like shit. She didn't even say happy birthday, or regard me on my birthday, mind you, I was at her house the entire day. About a week later she sent me a card with 10 dollars inside, and the only thing she wrote was 'Nancy'
So this morning I told my dad in the car, and he told me she said last night;
'What is wrong with Kerry, she was very rude to me!'
He said he was just silent. I told him he should have told her she needs to grow up and realize that that's nothing compared to how bitchy she's been to me over the years and he laughed. I love him<354986053
Rewind...
Dad wakes me up this morning to go to the swim meet at about 6:30. I've got an insane headache, my nose is beyond stuffed, cramps, and my throat is killing me. So obviously I didn't go. I fell back asleep and at about 10 he woke me, and I sat there for about 10 minutes until he told me he'd take me to Dunkies, and of coarse I sprung out of bed. So we drove to Braintree to meet mom. Then from there I went to BJ's with Ryan and Mom, we got SOOOOOOO much food it's unbeleiveable. Then mom went to the Hingham outlets, she went into Williams and Sonoma, while I went into American Eagle. I got a pair of gray sweatpants, a gray sweatshirt, and I black cami. Not as an outfit, just random things I liked. Jeez, I almost own that store now.
The weirid thing is, I'm not a prep at all. But I will wear abercrombie or american eagle clothes. I hate it when people say 'AW I DONT CARE WTF PEOPLE THINK OF ME IF I LIKE IT I'LL WEAR IT' and then say they won't go to american eagle or abercrombie and whatnot because only preps shop there. If they actually knew what they were talking about, and they liked clothes in their, they would be smart enough to realize that is they don't care what people think of them, and they'll wear what they want, then that means they'll shop anywhere, not strictly punk stores or thrift shops... retards. If I like clothes in there, and my parents are willing to spend that much money, I will wear them for sure.
Blah, blah, blah, blah.
I spoke to jonjon while i was in the car with dad. I woke him up because in TX it's earlier, nndurrr. That's my 3rd time calling him this month, mom with going to be heated when she gets the phone bill.
So now I was just on buddypic, making buddies because I have no friends at school.
Enjoy my lack of spell check.
Kerry
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| Don't follow your heart, cause' it just seems to get in the way. |
[16 Oct 2004|08:44pm] |
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Dashboard Confessional- For You To Notice |
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So, theres this kid. I've known him for a while back, say 1st grade. Probably earlier. Ever since I could recognize feelings such as this, I've liked him more than a friend. I know he's liked me two... not neccesarilly now, but at some points in our friendship. I remember in 2nd grade we'd write stories together in the writing/reading portion of our class. We made up a family and I wrote as if the wife, he wrote as the husband... and we had kids. Thinking back on it it's the most adorable thing ever. We'd always flirt with eachother but we were far too young to know. AHA and then in 3rd grade I was the onyl girl invited to his birthday party, and I pretended Devin was trying to poke me and I was running away so that this kid would stick up for me. I was such a little weirdo. Come 4th and 5th grade, everybody would make fun of us when we would go anywhere together. They would try to get us to go out with eachother but we were too shy.
Stuff happened in the next few years, we grew apart, there was some bad blood between us, and we stopped talking. I was sure he hated me. I had heard some bad things about him, I wanted to hate him so badly, I just couldn't do it. When I would see him in the halls I'd go weak in the knees. He'd been terrible to me but I couldn't let him go. Theres something about him that makes me want to be with him all of the time. He makes me feel awsome, like I'm worth something. I can say anything to him.
So now it's eigth grade, and I've got a class with him. &*%()&*(#)^%&)# I was sure he was going to be mean, an ass, horrible, just a total jerk to me. But he's the same as he was before. He's making me like him again, I hate him for that. We couldn't be any different of people now, you would not expect us to be friends, but he's nice now, just as we was when we were younger. I can't stand the fact that he was so horrible to me and I'm letting myself put him in a position to break my heart, all over again. I'm trying soooo hard to hate him. Gah, A nice emo lyric for this might be... Woah, I want to hate you half as much, as I hate myself... falloutboy<3
Now, back to the past few days.
Wednesday: I babysat for the McCarthys. The little girl Kelly (5)threw a fit when her parents left. She screamed her bloody lungs out, would not let go of her mother's leg. They had to lock her in the backroom and run out of the house in order to leave. She could have cared less after they left. I read her a story, and she feel asleep. I read Brenden the 8 year old a story, and he fell asleep. And Sean's 11. He's going to be very handsome when he's older. He's pretty cool. But he feel asleep at about 9. so I went down stairs and watched 'life as we know it', I am in LOVE with that show. It's awsome.
Thursday: I have 0 recognition of Thursday.
Friday: RYAN CAME HOME FROM COLLEGE!!!!!!! He brought his girlfriend, Becky home. She's the by far prettiest girl I have ever met, ever, hands down, ever, ever, ever. She's really nice. We all went to the football game. Nobody was there. I think Colin M was, and we used to be friends, but he's really popular&stoff now, I was embarassed tot talk to him.. I was afraid he'd be like 'WTF EW LOZERSSS' so I avoided that possible situation and sat with Becky and Ryan. When I got home I talked to Katie online. I never talk to her anymore, I have to get together with her or something, she's cheeeel.
Saturday: HAHAHA I woke up at 5, and drove to Salem for a swim meet. The meet started at 8:30, I did well. Katie, Lauren, Sara, Danni, Ashley, Kels, Carolyn, Hunter, Brian, and NATALLLIIIE were there.. I haven't seen Natcat in fa---eva. The meet was really fun. I gt a Salem Halloween Classic Swim Meet tee-shirt. Coach told me he was proud of me. He's such a good buddy to me. He's old but he's the man. Then i just slept when I got home... so now I'm writing this.
AHHH I know I'm forgetting something. Blah, if I remember, I'll write more later.
kthxbai.
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| An interesting day... |
[13 Oct 2004|12:57pm] |
but you'll have to wait until I get back from babysitting to hear.
Okaybye.
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| Great day. |
[11 Oct 2004|06:25pm] |
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The All American Rejects- My paper Heart |
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So I woke up at 8:30, opened my birthday present. FUCKING MINI IPOD. OH MAN, words cannot esplain my love for music, and being able to constantly listen to it makes my life that much less sucky. It's wonderful, I know how to download songs for free. I only have about 15 songs, but it's all good.
At 10:30, Vicky Nick Meg and Lin came over. Lin and Meg gave me cards<3 We played with the puppy for a few moments, then went to the King Richards Faire. It was Hevean. Aside from the scary midevil nights, it mostly consisted of hot 15 year old boys wearing black comverses, dickies pants, Band Teeshirts, eyebrow rings and gauges. I wasn't ballsy enough to walk up to one. They were all looking at me&stuff. Maybe because I was the only girl there who did'nt play dungeons and dragons, but hey what's wrong with that. I want to go back with Meg. It would be a ball. We got home around 4 or so.
I played with my ipod, and then at 6 went to swim practice. AHAHAHA GOOD TIME, Lau, Katie, Mags, Abby, ash, mini, cait, erin, and marua were there. Danny was there too but I did'nt see much of her. They were all flipping out and singing happy birthday to me. I was treated like royalty and I loffed it. Except coach cracked jokes about my ADD, as usual. It sucked but i laughed along. So coach did'nt sign me up for the meet in Salem this weekend, I mean wtf? So I just called him and he made a mistake. But now I'm going to have to swim hard stuff like the 1650 free, 200 fly, 500 free, and whatnot because all the good events are taken up, I really hope to get in the 50 free, because that's the event I think I'm goning to get to agegroups in.
But anyway, Evan took me to mcdonalds after. that was super. I don't give a shit about my weight, rite? Rite. he commented on my horrendous voice when I was singing along with my ipod. yeah fuck him. When we got home all of my friends had called. The only one from Marshfield was Adam Holbert. Hahah he's a love. He makes me laugh. He was trying to convince me that his neighbor was his new australian exchange student. Silly kid. JonJon and josh called. So did Molly and Payton. I have'nt called them back yet. I will later. I just talked to Jon online so I don't think i have to call him. I miss him so much. Now that he's so far away I'm starting to like him, like him. I'm such a dumbshit. I knew he liked me before, he made it clear, why couldn't I have felt this way before... Timeing is everything. I hope he comes back. His foster mom said they are really thinking about comeingn back in the Spring. If he does'nt I swear I'll have an anxiety attack.
GAHHHH He's pretty, sweet, nice, funny to the core, loving, only somewhat perverted, and mature. WTF WAS FUCKING WRONG WITH MMEEEE.
That poor kid.
So we had cake. It was good. I FUCKING FORGOT TO WISH. That's three years in a row. I have serious issues. True story.
School tomorrow. I've gotta hit the sack.
Good night, loves.
<35436Fatty
P.S- I'm too lazy to spellcheck, so enjoy reading my fuckbag job of a typist.
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| Yeah about that. |
[10 Oct 2004|09:03pm] |
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Michael Jackson- Thriller |
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So oneday there was this person, who wrote stupid comments on my journal entrys. So I decided if this person really wanted to confront me about my "fake friends" or dramatic stories, they should call me. So my phone number is 837-1669,
If you don't have the balls to call me, then stop posting, because I'll just delete them without even reading them. Or better yet just make it so only Friends can view my journal, who have to be LJ users. So anyways, if you're afraid of calling me because I'm so horribly scary, threatning and mean, then stop posting. And if you don't stop posting, I will make a for friends only LJ. kthxbai...
Oh yes and it's my birthday.
MACMOM
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| Heyheyhey |
[10 Oct 2004|04:50pm] |
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Something Corporate- Only Ashes |
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So yes, I deleted my entire journal. It had things I've realized I really do not wish to convey to the public contended in it.
So I'll tell you about the last few days.
Friday... I don't really remember school, but after I went home with Meg and Erin. We went into megs kitchen, i had a bunch of frooty pebbles while Erin and Meg microwaved chocolate chip cookies. They tasted orgasmic. We played Michael Jackson songs on megs compooter and I made up a dance to Thriller, it's hott. Meg took pichas and I can't wait to see them. I'm using the dance for Drama tryouts, I'm still not sure what I'm going to sing. Then me and Erin went to swim practice. Coach told me he was very imprssed with my progress and he thinks I have some amazing potential. Katie, Lauren, Ash, Danny, and Maggie were pissed I blew off juniors practice. I had to practice with agegroupers because Erin is one and they have practice a little later than juniors. Me and Erin went to the pool late on purpose cause we meant to miss the run, and that we did. But coach made us do push ups and sit ups which wasn't much better. Liam's dad is a coach now. Liam is adorable. For those of you who don't know him, hes 11 year old, 4 feet tall, over 100 lbs, bright red hair, obsessed with pokemon, and just the most adorable kid I have ever met. I lub him. After practice Me meg and Erin went to the football game. St. john was awsome, but we were better. i beleive we are still #5 in the state because St. John is only #7. So yeah, we saw Kristen and Rach there. Same with Roffey. Danny did'nt show, me and erin called him it was hilarious. after I went to dadas and we listened to the presidential debate. I am now in love with bush, he's hilarious.
Saturday... Nothing, I sat around while everybody worked on the porch because I did'nt have any crap clothes. Me and dad rented movies. I watched Ferris Beuler and Sixteen Candles. Then at about 1AM I walked over to bobdudes house and knocked on his window. He got up and we walked around downtown for an hour or so. Then we went up and the balcany and looked at the sky. It was funnn. He went home around 3. It was super, but technically that was Sunday, so I'll start describing sunday.
Sunday, aka today... Okay dad worked on the porch thingy, it's coming along quite well. Around 3 we went to the burlington mall. I got... I pair of jeans, a white sweatshirt, a pair of shoes, a pair of boxer shorts, a white sweater, and some birfday presents for Katie and Lau from American Eagle. I got some hand lotion and Lip balm from Bath and Body works, pearberry to be exact. It was all my birfday presents from dad. katies birfday was sept. 22, and laurens was oct. 6, so i'm late to get them presents. i got them both cute little bracelets. So yeah, then we went to Nancy's familys house for a little get-to-gether. my step-brother bobby got a new dog. His name's Brady<3543254354 He's a german shepard and hes 4 months old. He peed on the floor as well. I heart him. My grampy is hilarious, he was tapping his foot on the ground humming and my Nana said stop it, and he screamed "IM RUNNING AWAY SEPT I CANT CROSS THE STREET NO MORE SO ILL NOT BE FAR" He's my hero, so funny. The food was good, everybody was just all OMGZAA KERRY YOUR LIKE TALLA THAN ME DATS BE CRAZAYYY!1!1!OONE!1!1!!!! I was like wow, I'm 5'6. Congratulations Kerry at your vertical award. Nicole my cousin brought a friend, I forget her name but she was really nice. Andrea brought her baby, Jessica Rose, my neice. Shes sooo pretty. I love her soo much shes adorable.
And tomorrow is my birfday. Evan is picking me up tonite and we're going back down to Marshfield. At 10 tomorrow morning I'm going to some fair with Vicky and Nick. It's going to be the best birthday ever =] I'll tell all tomorrow because I suck at life and have to post my life events online to reassure myself I'm not the most boring person alive.
Later.
Macmom.
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weakforyourlove's journal